Remember me...?

Is there a difference between something that will disappear and something that never existed?

I asked Ying one Sunday afternoon.
“Yeah, I will miss the thing that will disappear more than the thing that never existed.” She answered.
“Why is that?” I asked.
“Because how can you miss something that has never existed?”

As I pondered over that question, I couldn’t help but agree with what she said. It is true that we cannot miss something that has never happened since we have never experienced it. But I say that with that same statement is that we also start to miss out on what could have happened.

For example, think about a love that has disappeared in your life. Sure it may have broken your heart but if someone would ask you if you would want to relive it again, you would agree without a thought right? Because no matter how painful the ending was, the beginning and the middle of your love story contains memories and experiences that made you what you are today, memories and experiences that will forever be engraved in your whole being (I don’t wanna say heart, too cheesy >.< ).
Now think about never ever having that love, never ever having that relationship, never experiencing the tingles you felt with that special person, never having the chance to notice and listen to those love songs that reminded you of that person. You will never experience all those feelings and events just because you simply didn’t do anything to make it happen. Maybe you just didn’t ask her/him out. Perhaps, you weren’t interested or he/she wasn’t. All those memories that could have happened are gone all because of the choice you or he/she made. Therefore that thing that has never existed now creates an even deeper impact than the thing that will disappear. And that leads us to another question: What would cause you more pain, regret or reminiscence? Which one will cause you more pain, which one will hover over your head in the middle of the night while darkness surrounds you as your silent tears fall down your cheek? Which one will you be longing to go back to? Which one will affect the unknown future?

Which one will cost you more…?

Is it the regret of the choices you have made to have caused that relationship, event and experience to not exist or the reminiscing of the past memories that you have gained?

So in my point of view, the thing that has never existed is the thing that I will miss more simply because in life

we tend to regret the things we didn't do more than the ones we did.

Just think happy thoughts, sprinkle a little fairy dust... and you're off to Neverland.

I believe in you.
Can you feel the deep impact it does to your soul?

I believe in you.
Don’t you just ache for someone to say those words and mean it?

I believe in you.
It’s been a phrase I’ve always been longing for…

All these years I’ve been telling everyone that I didn’t know what to do. But now after all that time I’ve figured out, I’ve figured out what I’ve always wanted to do.

I wanted to write.

Writing is my passion. It’s just something that makes me feel happy, makes me feel worthy, something that makes me feel alive in this stone cold world. However, even if it creates all these emotions inside of me there will be times when I just stop believing in myself and start distrusting on what I can do. I begin to think of what the little me can offer to others when there are so many more talented writers out there? What would be special about my writing that people would be able find solace in it, when most of the times I can’t even write what I want to write? And in these times, I just want someone to tell me those simple words.

“You can do it. I believe in you.”

I want someone to believe in me and someone I can believe in. I want someone who will say those words and mean it. Not just because it’s what friends say, something that is customary, no I want the real thing. Someone who believes that I can be who I wanna be and do what I wanna do.
So I guess until now I still haven’t figure out what I wanna study because I feel that no one believes in me and each one doubts my abilities. I sense that everyone keeps underestimating me so I keep underestimating myself. I know that no one believes in me so I slowly stop believing in myself...
I have to admit. I envy my friend Kirsten. Her dad believes in her writing. He thinks that it’s something really important so he keeps helping her with it.

So again I will say “I’ve always wanted that.”


Photo by: aepoc from Flickr. http://www.flickr.com/photos/aepoc/2810237128/

There For Tomorrow - Ice Box(Cover)

So there's this band "There For Tomorrow" that I really like who made a cover of a really good song, "Ice Box" originally performed by Omarion. And now I'm addicted to it. I can't stop listening to it! You guys have to listen to it too!

Here's the video.


The Lyrics:

Fussing and fighting, we, back at it again
I know that it's my fault you don't understand (no)
I got memories, this is crazy
You ain't nothing like the girl I used to know
Good with ma, good with pa, cool with all my friends
I should try, to decide, want to let you in, but (no) that means memories, and it's crazy
You ain't nothing like the girl I used to know

Girl I really wanna work this out cause I'm tired of fighting (tired of fighting)
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you (you, you)
I said I really wanna work this out, but girl I'm trying, it's no excuse, no excuse

(But I got this) I got this Icebox where my heart used to be
(But I got this) Icebox where my heart used to be (I said I got it)
(No) I'm so Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold (I said I got it)
(No) I'm so Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold

(But I got this) I got this Icebox where my heart used to be
(I said I got this) Icebox where my heart used to be
(No) I'm so Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold
(No) I'm so Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold

Why can't I get it right? Just can't let it go?
I open up she let me down
I won't feel that no more (no)
I got memories this is crazy
You ain't nothing like the girl I used to know
I don't mean to take it out on you baby but I can't help it
Cause my heart is in the same old condition that baby left it
(and I) I apologize for making you cry
Look me in my eyes and promise you wont do me the same

Girl I really wanna work this out cause I'm tired of fighting (fighting)
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you (you, you)
I said I really wanna work this out, but girl I'm trying, it's no excuse, no excuse

I got this Icebox where my heart used to be
(I said I got this) Icebox where my heart used to be (I said I got it)
(No) I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold
(No) I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold

I got this Icebox where my heart used to be
(I said I got this) Icebox where my heart used to be
(No) I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold
(No) I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold

I don't wanna be stuck off in this cold cold world
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl

I don't wanna be stuck off in this cold cold world (I don't want to be)
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl
Don't wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl

Girl I really wanna work this out cause I'm tired of fighting (fighting)
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you (you, you)
I said I really wanna work this out, but girl I'm trying, it's no excuse, no excuse

I got this Icebox where my heart used to be
This Icebox where my heart used to be
(No) I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold
(No) I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold

I got this Icebox where my heart used to be
This Icebox where my heart used to be
(No) I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold
(No) I'm so cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold I'm So Cold

I have a dream...

"You're the only girl I know that doesn't clean up her room"

My mom's most used phrase used on me... and my dad's.
So my parents think I'm the only girl who acts like a pig in my own room. What can i say? I like my room that way. Rooms are for free expressions, not for good impressions! (I took that from a movie.)
And what is this that just because I'm a girl I am supposed to have the "clean" gene implanted in me?! Seriously! It's so sexist! I mean when did you ever hear a parent complain about their son's room being messy? Never! They even excuse their son for it. "Oh, Johnny is just being a boy and boys will be boys." That's what moms tell themselves when they're inside their son's room trying to pick up God knows what in a room that smells like rotten eggs! But when it comes to us girls... We've got it rough. Because everytime they come inside our unkempt, untidy and imperfect room they immediately think that we are not girls but dirty little pigs. Yep my mom's most second used phrase on me. "Are you even a girl?!"

-Sighs- I have a dream. I have a dream of a world where girls can act like pigs and not be questioned about it. I dream that one day, girls rooms can be soo messy and their parents won't be confused if she was a real girl and not a boy.
I dream that one day girls can be dirty and parents can be proud of it!

Tracker for the remote control...

Wouldn't it be awesome if the remote controls had a tracker? I mean how many of us misplace our remote controls that results to wasted hours trying to find that stupid thing. Oh.. you don't know what mayhem a lost remote control can bring. I've seen divorces filed just because their remote control got lost, brothers and sisters forget each other because of the fight for that missing incredible gadget. It's bad, it's really bad.

(I know you might say "Why don't you just get off your lazy butt and go and press the buttons on the TV?" Well my friend, having a missing control is like having something missing piece in my life... Like having a finger cut off.. That's how important it is... I just can't sleep at night when I know that it's lying around somewhere on the floor all alone, or maybe its suffocating under the couch's pillows.. The Horror!! Anyways back to my idea.)

So wouldn't it be much easier if we had a tracker in them? Like you'd have this tiny chip that will ooze sounds (I love that word...oooozze) when u press another remote control that makes it ooze sounds... And then all you'd have to do is follow the sound and voila! The search for the lost control ends! -Cue Indian Jone's theme song-

But then... what happens if the remote control for the tracker gets lost?!
It's a cruel world...

Formulas...zZzZzZ

I could feel my sweat starting to drop from the temple of my head to my cheek. This is the time I dreaded for. I stared at my desk the whole time trying my best not to move, not to make a sound so that I would go unnotice. I even tried to slow my breathing down. It didn't work, I only ended up breathing heavier. This made me sweat even more.
I noticed that the room was filled with silence, but it wasn't so in my head. Inside I was screaming, praying and begging not to hear a name, a name that belonged to me. My name.
“What was taking so long? Why doesn't she call someone else's name to stand up in the blackboard?” were my thoughts as I waited impatiently for my Chemistry teacher to call out someone to answer the problem she had written on the blackboard. I slowly lifted up my head, again trying not to make a sudden move so that I may continue to be unnoted. I saw her sitting at her desk, she was looking at a piece of paper. It was that paper that had all our names in it. Her eyes were going up and down on the list of names that paper had. Suddenly her eyes stopped and focused into a spot in that piece of paper.
I saw her smiled.
Her smile was the cue for my heart to start beating like a drum. My hands started to go numb. “Here it goes...”

I'm pretty sure you know what happens next... Yep, this is how each of my Chemistry class went. Somehow I always am not prepared to answer the problem that is written on the blackboard. Formulas and I just don't go together, and equations and physics... you got the idea.
Even though I had memorised how to solve that problem the night before, I still can never solve it. And thanks to my unlucky stars, the teacher still called my name frequently. Maybe she just likes the sight of me sweating like a pig, and my constant sayings of “errrr...”, “uhhmmm”, “yeahhh..” in front of everyone... Well I'm glad someone was amused...

Anyway since we're in the formula subject, there is another formula that I don't like that doesn't have to do with chemistry at all. And that is “Formula 1”. I don't actually get why everyone makes a big deal out of it. They're just automobiles that run around in circles with lame stickers on... Don't get me wrong. I love fast cars. But cars like the ones in Fast and the Furious, the pimped ones with their glossy paint, cool gadgets, neons, the cool rims...
I remember playing the Need for Speed games just a few years ago. Man, weren't they fascinating! Having the ability to style your own car, race against other people for money, pink slips and street cred... That was the life! But somehow Formula 1 ruins it for me. I know that street racing is illegal but maybe they could like make an actual racing spot just for those kind of cars and not the ones that are racing in Formula 1... Right?! Feel free to comment me if you agree or disagree.

Have a nice week guys!

I will never believe in quotes again...

Tuesday, February 24 2009

I woke up great this morning! Birds were singing (or tweeting, in their case), the bright glorious sun has finally come out after so many days of long, boring cloudy winter days. The feeling of warmth that my squishy cushy blanket gave me, made me feel that this was gonna be a great day! But it wasn't so...
You know that quote that says: “You know how your day is going be from the way you wake up.” Well I woke up great and yet somehow my day turned out to be as bad as good as I woke up... (Does that make sense?) :-S

Here is what happened...
After waking up, I felt hungry and weak.
So I go to the kitchen to find me something to eat!
But all I found there were vegetables and raw meat.
Foods that I can't cook at all, I'll have to admit.
So to my dismay,
all I ate was just normal scrambled eggs.

After that incident, I decided to go out and check out this restaurant that my mom told me about. No, I wasn't gonna go there because I wanted to eat but because apparently there was a job offer there that my mom is forcing me to take. So, I call one of my best friends to come with me, (I can never go anywhere by myself, especially when the place is like 2 HOURS away!!) and together we headed to that unknown location. Yeap, unknown location. Unknown because I had no idea where it was. The only info my mom gave me was: the bus I was going to take and the bus stop I was going to get down to. She actually told me to just ask around for the restaurant. “I'm sure they'll know where it is.” were her exact words.
Well, Dana (my best friend) and I took the bus and got down at the bus stop we were supposed to. I could tell that Dana was quiet uneasy because I didn't really know where the place was. But I assured her that everything was gonna be a-ok! Because she was with me hehe. So as we were told, we asked around the place for that restaurant. First person we asked, didn't know where it was. Second person didn't know it either. And pretty soon all the people we asked at that place had no idea where and what restaurant we were asking about. So I called my mom and asked her where the heck was this place and why was it that people had no idea where it was?! So she told us to just keep looking and. So we kept looking and we kept on walking at the cold, by that time the sun was gone and the wind replaced its place. Our noses have turned red and we couldn't feel our ears anymore. After an hour of walking we decided to give up. I called my mom to tell her of our decision. And all she said was..:You know what, I'm sure you're not interested in this job that's why you don't wanna find it.”


HOW DARE SHE?!!!! WE WERE OUT THERE IN THE FREEZING COLD WALKING FOR HOURS AND SHE SAYS THAT I WASNT INTERESTED???!!!!!!